Somethin's a Brewin'...

So, in the last couple of days, I have felt the effects of my life taking some turns on me. I'm not sure where it's coming from but I've felt it. They are very small changes but it enough of a change that I have to rethink how I do things now. just little things like how I react to my friends and roommates. (being that I NOW have to live with them) Also, things at work are slightly different. Maybe it's because I've been here for almost 6 months. That tends to be the milestone on when I get sick of a job. But I'm not sick of it at all. I LOVE it. I can't quite put my finger on it but it bugging me. My friends have definitley taken a HUGE hit and have changed tremendously. I have no problems with any of them but it's all new to me.

So here's kind of what has recently happened in my life that I think has to do with this "feeling" I have.

First of all, I just recently began school OFFICIALLY for the first time last semester. I was going minimum full time at 12 hours. Not too much for me to handle. I did ok as far as my first semester goes but it definitley was a change. A good one.

Second, my Mother is selling her house and I was forced to move out. I have lived on my own previoulsy so I wasn't so worried about that but I will no longer have that security in the back of my head that if i was in trouble or needed it real bad, my mom would always have a place for me. Also, it's the house my grandpa built and my mom grew up in. My grandparents are dead and so is my dad so my mom had to take care of it, primarily, by herself. She has remodeled the house left and right and it has been a huge stress to her and the rest of the family. It will be easier to have it out of our lives but It's hard for me to accept that. Her new place is an apartment that couldn't hold me in the first place even if I needed it. But Moving out has been great overall. i just have to get used to roommoates once again and that's not that bad.

Third, MY MOTHER IS SELLING HER HOUSE! We have lived in and abouts that area for 12 years, ever since we moved mere form Virginia. We moved a ton when I was little in Virginia so I was used to doing that alot. However, this is the FIRST time in my life that I had something that lasted more then 1-2-3 or 4 years in one place. I had background and solid ground built up in that house. I am the last of several friends who have moved away from the area and sold there houses. I had a REALLY hard time with my very last friend, Seth, who hadn't lived at his house for a while but his dad and brothers were still there. There was always an open invitation to go over there whenever. I GREW UP at that house and had tons of memories and friends that spawned from that house. When his dad got married and SOLD the house, I was really freaking out! Even though I hadn't been over there for like 3 years or so, I always drove by and knew I could stop in and hang out. So Brian, Danny, Matt, Seth, and now ME! I was the one who was removing all the roots and seeds that were planted there at my house and it has been very difficult for me emotionally.

Fourth, I finally have a single social life. Up til this point, I have stuck with a good majority of my early friends in life and have done stuff with them. They have gotten married and continued to be a huge part of my life as far as friends and social life. I have only recently released myself from my married friends and began this whole new social circle with my single friends. Don't get me wrong, but I LOVE my married friends. We have a lot of history together. I was the one who was wanting to do stuff all the time and planning things with them. But married people have a whole different lifestyle. I'm not married and just kind of went along with the flow. I didn't mind but it was hard for me to not notice that they were married and I wasn't. So I just happened to meet these single frineds of my while hanging out with one of my married friends at their house. I started coming over all the time and developed a whole slew of new single friends. I was imediatley taken up into this single lifestyle and LOVED every minute of it. New faces, new things to do, new places to go! And people who I could relate to and best of all... THEY LIKED ME!!! No one had a problem with who I was or even judged me for being who I was. It is great! However, i kind of neglected my married friends and haven't been as attentive or even present when hanging out with them. They used to be my ONLY social life and now the vast majority of it includes my single frineds. So I want to be excited and happy about my new friends and social life but I also feel horrible and guilty for cutting down my social time with my married friends.

Lastly, girls, religion and dating. OH MY! That's an entirely different subject which I will save for another post.

So in the end, with all these changes in my life, I've been feeling something inside that is just bugging me. I wish I had someone to just be there for me and help me feel better about all this. My family is definitely messed up enought that it's hard to even connect with my siblings let alone recieve any comfort from them. (Except my way awesome sister that has always been supportive to me.) I have usually recieved that comfort or support from a close friend who was there for me growing up. But now that I'm older and slowly moving away from old friends and with them old ways, I have this feeling that I think has been brewing inside and is about to burst out of me. I really have no idea what will happen when it finally does but I would like to understnad it and keep it under control when it does. Until then, there's always you blogger.com. :)